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B.A. Blackwood is the author of the Siren Song trilogy, a trial lawyer, a marathon runner, and indentured servant to her two couch potato pugs, Waldo and Jonesy.

The No. 1 Lie Your Pug Tells You Every Day

I’m going to tell you the biggest lie in the pug world –  on one condition. You have to pinky–paw-swear that you won’t tell your pug who told you. We’re on the honor system here. I’m going to assume that if you’re still reading you won’t rat me out.

Here goes – the Number One Lie your pug tells you every day: “ I’m Starving to Death”.

I know you’ve heard this one, and I bet you’ve fallen for it. We fix our big suffering eyes on you, suck in our cheeks to make our faces look like Twiggy after a 7 day fast and then droop. Works almost every time.

If the dog owner is halfway savvy, they’ll look at our puffy bodies and hesitate. Then we drop on the floor as though too weak to stand and look up with an expression that says, “Who you gonna believe – me or your lyin’ eyes?”

pug starving to death

The “I’m Starving to Death” Look, Phase I

We might even let our tongue loll out of our mouth just a little bit.

starving pug

The “I’m Starving to Death Look”, Phase II

Don’t buy it. Most pugs are overweight except me, of course, because my mother caught onto my lie early and measures out my food with a frustratingly frugal hand.

If your pug has you so convinced that he’s about to croak from starvation that you’re afraid to hold back on that extra treat, run your hands over his/her body.  I know, I know. Your pug has probably told you that he’s supposed to be stubby and squatty and stocky. But, there’s cute chubby and then there’s omg- he’s-almost-a-zeppelin chubby.

According to my vet, you’re supposed to be able to feel our ribs – they shouldn’t protrude, but they need to be findable. If they seem to be covered with an inch of fat, you should hold back on that treat. If you can’t feel them at all then it’s time to sign your pug up for Weight Watchers.

Why am I telling you this? I’m sick of being laughed at for being the only svelte pug in my play group. It’s like being the kid whose mother packs carrots as a snack while everyone else has Hostess cupcakes. Not cool.

Shhhhhhh. Remember, don’t tell anyone who told you.

Respectfully submitted,

Waldo Blackwood-Thomas

Comments

  1. I once knew a pug named Roscoe who could eat a whole bowlful of peanut M&M’s and still look hungry afterwards. Thanks for letting me in on his secret, Waldo. And don’t worry: he’s too busy feasting Above to know you shared any Pug Truths. I’m sure you’ll still be welcome at his Banquet in the Sky one day (many years from now, of course).

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